Immortality
by Zed-sama
Summary: Songfic. Early in the Slayers series, Zel takes some time out to visit some old friends. Shounen ai implied ( barely ). Angst. Be nice and review ~ it's my first and only Slayers fic to date ^_^


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Immortality

Songfic based on the Song by Celine Dion and the Bee Gees

By Zed

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WARNINGS: Shounen ai implied ( barely ), angst 

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DISCLAIMERS: Don't own Slayers or any of the characters or the song. I'm just a high school student and therefore berefit of anything of monetary value that would make suing me a worth while endeavour, so don't sue me unless you like Tom Cruise posters and sketch books of bad manga style art. Please do not sue me even if you do like these things, because that would make you a sad little man or womyn, and earn you the unremitting wrath of fanfiction writers everywhere. Have a nice day. ^_^ 

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AN: The song just seemed to suit him. Lyrics in Italics. // . . . \\ indicates Astral thoughts. Reviews are appreciated. Constructive criticism will be thought about. Flames will be laughed at.

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Immortality

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So this is all I am 

And this is all I know 

And I must choose to live 

For all that I can give 

The spark that makes the power grow

In the middle of a clearing of long grass that rippled gently in the early evening breeze, Zelgadis Greyweirs sat in meditaion. He did not notice the night as it drew him deeper and deeper into its dark shadow, nor did he notice the millions of stars that gleamed shyly in the sky. He had been putting this off since he'd left Lina and Gourry on the outskirts of Atlas City two weeks ago. He'd needed time to sort himself out; search for his emotions and reach an agonising decision that he still wasn't sure was the right one. Zelgadis silenced his aching heart and stretched his consciousness into the Astral Plane. 

// Rodimus . . . Zolf . . . // His thoughts echoed through the vast emptiness of the Astral Plane, emanating from all around. 

// It's been a while, Zelgadis-sama . . . // Zelgadis' Astral form turned, and his face lit up like a child who has just received the puppy he's always wanted as he saw his beloved servants. Rodimus, imposing as ever in his armour and cape, bowed deeply at his master. Zolf, his aquiline features soft, knelt before Zelgadis and lowered his head. Zelgadis smiled sadly and placed his hands on Zolf's shoulders. // Get up, you fool. // Zolf complied, and embraced his long-time friend tightly.

And I will stand for my dream if I can

Symbol of my faith in who I am 

But you are my only 

And I must follow on the road that lies ahead 

And I won't let my heart control my head 

But you are my only And we don't say goodbye 

And I know what I've got to be

// Forgive me, // whispered Zelgadis as he rested his cheek on Zolf's shoulder, fighting long-forgotten tears that pricked his eyes.

// No need for apologies, Zelgadis-sama. // Rodimus' gruff thoughts echoed.

// I keep thinking that . . . it didn't have to be this way. I could have done something to save you. I could have stopped you from using the Dragon Slave . . . I could have . . . somehow, I could have protected you . . . //

// You did all you could have. It was my fault for thinking I could destroy the Dark Lord with the Dragon Slave. // 

// No, I didn't. I did nothing. I DID NOTHING! // Zelgadis shouted, thrashing wildly in Zolf's arms. // I stood there and watched you die! I let you die! I let you die . . . // Suddenly, all the fight left him, and Zelgadis crumpled against his old friend. He gripped Zolf's doublet in frenzied fingers and buried his head in Zolf's chest as words trailed off into uncontrollable sobs that wracked his whole body. Tears streamed from his eyes like blood from an open wound.

Zolf rocked Zelgadis gently and stroked his steely tufts as the Chimera wept tears of grief and frustration, as he had years ago when Zelgadis Greywords, bearly eleven years old, had revealed his new face to his weapons master and best friend. He had needed to know that there were still people who could love him, after being rejected and disowned by his noble family; needed to know that he would not be alone, that there were still people he could turn to and trust. It may have been Rodimus who swore his loyalty to the young Greywords and become a second father to the Chimera, but it was Zolf who had held him and told him he was still beautiful. And now he needed the same assurance that they would not desert him.

Immortality 

I make my journey through eternity 

I keep the memory of you and me inside 

Fulfill your destiny 

Is there within a child 

My storm will never end 

My fate is on the wind 

The king of hearts, the joker's wild 

But we don't say goodbye 

I'll make them all remember me

// I'm so lonely, // choked Zelgadis through his tears. // You were the only ones who understood me, who remember who I was. How I came to be this way. I can't lose that. I can't lose you like this. You were always there for me, through everything. You were always there when I needed you. You loved me when no-one else could. I'm so lonely without you. // 

// You could be with us, if you wish, // said Zolf softly when Zelgadis' grief had quietened. Zelgadis pulled back a little, so that he could look up into the man's eyes with his own. He took a deep breath, steadied his heart, and spoke hesitantly. // Would you . . . would you forgive me if I . . . if I said that . . . I didn't want to be with you just yet? // 

// Nani?// 

Zelgadis cringed as if slapped, but plowed on. // It's just that . . . well, when Lina destroyed Shabrinigudu, she detroyed Rezo - the embodiment of all my suffering. And in doing that she . . . she gave something me that I'd given up on. She . . . she gave me hope. // 

Rodimus and Zolf were staring at him. He stepped back so that he could see both of them. His voice was pitched slightly higher than usual. // Please understand! It's not that I don't WANT to be with you - I do! - but, well, with Rezo gone, there's nothing to stop me from finding a cure. I can't give up hope that I could be human again. I want to die the way I was born, not as the monster I am now! // Zelgadis realised he was on the verge of hysteria and quickly stepped back, raising his hands to his face. 

Zolf began to reach a hand for the Chimera, then changed his mind and let him take a few more backward steps. He and Rodimus waited patiently for their master to control himself. Zelgadis' shoulders heaved as he fought desperately for calm. 

When he felt ready, he took a deep, shuddering breath and dropped his hands, raised his tear-stained eyes to his two faithful companions. His voice came hoarse and painfilled. 

// So, if you wouldn't mind waiting for me, there are a few things I want to do before I'm with you again. I . . . I can't be with you yet. //

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'Cos I have found a dream that must come true 

And every ounce of me must see it through 

But you are my only I'm sorry I don't have a roll for love to play 

Hand over my heart I'll find my way 

I will make them give to me

Rodimus watched Zelgadis with mixed emotions. Zelgadis Greyweirs was the son he had never had. He'd watched him grow from a baby into a boy determined to live up to his family's expectations; grieve for lost innocence and family after he was reborn as a Chimera. He'd watched him cling desperately to the promise that the Red Priest would change him back if he worked hard enough; realize that Rezo would never fulfill his word and fall into so deeply into dispair that he'd become afraid to feel. Zelgadis Greyweirs had suffered enough. If Zelgadis could dare to have hope again, then Rodimus would not stand in his way, no matter how much it hurt. 

The old weapons master looked over at Zolf. Zolf had evidently reached the same conclusion. He nodded slightly. // We understand, Zelgadis-sama. // 

Pure gratitude shone in Zelgadis' dark Chimera eyes. He embraced Zolf and Rodimus tightly, and held their hands in his as he began to dissolve and re- enter the realm of the living. 

// We'll be waiting for you, Zelgadis-sama. // 

// Call me . . . call me Zelgadis. // 

// Zelgadis. //

// I'll never forget you. //

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Immortality 

There is a vision and a fire in me 

I keep the memory of you and me inside 

And we don't say goodbye 

We don't say goodbye 

With all my love for you 

And what else we may do

Zelgadis jerked into consciousness and fell back with a gasp of pain. He lay sprawled on the grass with his eyes closed and a booming headache, panted breaths rasping loudly in his ears as his chest heaved. When he felt able, Zelgadis stood and lifted his face to the skies. The golden light of dawn was already spread halfway over the heavens. The stars had long since disappeared with the night, but Zelgadis' keen eyes picked up two points shining defiantly in the face of the morning. He smiled, not without sadness, and waited until the valiant stars were enveloped by the dawn's light. // Wait for me. We'll be together again someday. // Then the Chimera picked up his sword and, with one last look to the sky, began to walk.  
  
_We don't say goodbye._  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
